i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
