You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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