I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
