I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
