I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
