Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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