Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think people are normalizing furries
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