I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize