hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
