I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
