end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
