Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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