I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
