I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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