they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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