Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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