Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
