Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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