I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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