you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
