last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
