sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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