In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
