His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
