I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
