what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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