I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize