It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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