THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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