You smell like stripper and shame
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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