he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
