i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
