omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
