I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
