She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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