Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
