I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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