You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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