dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
