He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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