I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
