thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
