Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
