'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
