he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
