Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
