Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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