nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
