Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
