if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Found your dick twin last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
