The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
