Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
4 words: hood of his car
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
