I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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