Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
