Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
