If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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