If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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