the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
