I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
