I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
