I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
