you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
