If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
