My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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