my shit smells like andre
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
