i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
