he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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