i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
