You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
