I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
