was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
