you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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