We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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