Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
