is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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