I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
