the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
