if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
