found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
