3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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