i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
