i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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