I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
