Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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