im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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