I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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