I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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