pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
