why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
