my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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