youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
