I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
