He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
