How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
