He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she told me i tasted like america
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
