drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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