were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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