I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
