I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
