i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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