Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize