did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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