When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize