doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
