Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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