is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
