is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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