i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
