If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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