Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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