you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
