i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
