my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
