the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
