She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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