I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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