roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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