so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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