i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
