U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pants are for mortals
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
